<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Edition: Pride and Prejudice by Dandelioff</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029734">Edition: Pride and Prejudice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandelioff/pseuds/Dandelioff'>Dandelioff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jay-At-Home-Dad [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Gen, I Tried, I love Jason Todd far too much, Pride and Prejudice References, let him be happy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:34:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,473</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandelioff/pseuds/Dandelioff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>I re-watched Pride and Prejudice (2005) the other day and absolutely fell back in love with Mr. Darcy. I tried to make it funny? Not really sure if it works. Not really sure if the formatting works either. Do I leave the dialogues italicized? Would that be easier to read?</p><p>As always, constructive criticism is very welcome.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alfred Pennyworth &amp; Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain &amp; Jason Todd, Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd, Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd &amp; Damian Wayne, Jason Todd &amp; Jane Austen, Jason Todd &amp; Mr. Darcy, Stephanie Brown &amp; Jason Todd, Tim Drake &amp; Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jay-At-Home-Dad [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. If this was a period drama, I'd be Elizabeth Bennet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I re-watched Pride and Prejudice (2005) the other day and absolutely fell back in love with Mr. Darcy. I tried to make it funny? Not really sure if it works. Not really sure if the formatting works either. Do I leave the dialogues italicized? Would that be easier to read?</p><p>As always, constructive criticism is very welcome.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The video opens with the view of a massive library, with towering bookshelves, cosy armchairs and warm yellow lighting. A boy walks into the frame, wearing a black t-shirt with the quote ‘I put the lit in literature’, and clutching a battered copy of Pride and Prejudice. He adjusts his glasses up the bridge of his nose, clears his throat theatrically and begins with a wide grin.</p>
<p>“Hey everyone, and welcome back to Jay-at-home-dad.”, he says with a jaunty wave, placing the book on the table in front of him. “I’m Jason, your overworked overlord and today, we’ll be talking about- the love story that defined all other love stories, the book that revolutionised romance, written by the great Lady herself- Pride and Prejudice!” he crows.</p>
<p>His smile grows wider and his cheeks flush pink in excitement.</p>
<p>“For those of you new to this channel, fair warning- it’s going to get loud, and I may possibly cry in the middle. But it’s Jane Austen; has anyone honestly not cried themselves to sleep wishing they could find their own Darcys, complete with giant estates, sarcastic tempers and astounding social awkwardness?”</p>
<p>He chuckles lightly and ruffles his hand over the back of his head, then sits up straighter and looks right into the camera with his sparkling PMS 3285 eyes.</p>
<p>“So,” he rubs his hands together, “Pride and Prejudice.” He holds up the book with both hands and grins. “It’s the holy-grail of books about marriage. The lovely Jane Austen explores different facets of life for a woman in that time period- from patriarchy, marriage, societal expectations and more”, he counts off on his fingers, “in a surprisingly light-hearted way. Much more light-hearted than that patriarchal misogyny warrants, anyway.” He shrugs.</p>
<p>“Let’s begin with the Bennet family.” He starts. “They’ve got 7 members (we do not count Collins in this house, even if Tom Hollander’s smarminess makes him so perfectly punchable), all of them with exceedingly unique characteristics, which is seriously the only way to keep track of who’s doing what at any given time.” His cheek twitches with supressed humour. “It’s true! Five whole kids! I’ve got four-and-a-half siblings and I’d trade them in for grocery and a book any day of the week. I can’t imagine Jane and Elizabeth felt any differently.”</p>
<p>He stretches his hand above his head. “Up top, we have Papa Bennet- longsuffering and just about at his wits end, having raised <em>so many</em> daughters to marriageable age. His study is his refuge and god be with anyone who dares disturb it (except Elizabeth, because she’s his uncontested favourite).” He adds with a solemn nod, “Don’t believe parents when they tell you they love you all equally. There definitely <em>is</em> a sibling pecking order and chances are, you’re at the bottom of it.”</p>
<p>He stretches his hand a little below where he’d placed Mr. Bennet. “Next in line is Mama Bennet- the perpetual nag, and doting mother. You will never meet a bigger gossip. Her favourite is the oldest, the lovely Jane. She spends the entire book conspiring to have Jane marry the dashing and wealthy Mr. Bingley. The machinations are very plain to see. But I have to ask- is it really gold-digging if it’s socially mandated?”</p>
<p>His lips quirk in a wry grin.</p>
<p>“I’mma be real with you- Jane’s nice. And extremely pretty, with a good head on her shoulders. Obviously the golden child.” He pauses. “But Elizabeth? The undisputed best, in my opinion” His excitement is evident in his broadened gestures and quickening pace.  “She’s well-read, bold, opinionated <em>and </em>the second oldest. And her lines are absolute fire. <em>‘I could more easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.’</em> Amazing. <em>‘There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of other.’</em> So fierce.” He shrugs, with a helplessly disarming smile. “What can I say? If I were ever in a period novel, she would be me.”</p>
<p>His voice stutters to a stop and his eyes narrow. “In fact,” he says, in stunned intonation, “This entire family is beginning to sound awfully familiar. Hmmm.”</p>
<p>He nestles deeper into the cushions before continuing incredulously, “The reclusive and cynical father with his occasional moments of emotional competence (You know who you are, Bruce), the well-meaning but pushy mother (Sorry Alfred, you know I love you), the sunshine-embodying oldest child…Damn, lady Jane”, he says, voice lilting in disbelief, “You totally got yourself a glimpse into Wayne Manor while picking characters.”</p>
<p>He shakes his head in bemusement and flashes a quick smirk.</p>
<p>“Coming to the disaster younger kids- Lydia and Catherine. I wanna say Stephanie for them both. Is that allowed? She’s only a sometimes sibling. But none of the other trash gremlins quite fit the role. I don't care. I make these rules." He shudders. "Fuc-<em>dge</em>, (I said <em>fudge!)</em>, <em>two</em> Stephanies under one roof?! No wonder Mama Bennet was so eager to get them married off! Geez.”</p>
<p>He rubs his chin, as though in deep thought. “Let’s see, who’s next”, he says, smirking under the cover of his hand.  “Oh! Mary Bennet! Bookish, pedantic, mostly overlooked. (Hey, Tim, totally didn’t see you over there.)", he says, and winks at the camera.</p>
<p>“Now for Cassandra. Hmmm.” He frowns. "Maybe another Elizabeth? She’s certainly cool enough. Sometimes I wonder how Cass turned out okay, and then I remember Dickie wasn't around during her formative years."</p>
<p>He takes an awkward pause. “Was that insensitive? I feel like that was insensitive. Sorry Cass. Your badassery is entirely to your merit.” Still frowning, he continues, "Is that everyone?  I feel like someone's missing."  He starts counting on his fingers, mouthing names, and suddenly smacks his hand onto his forehead and lets out a snort. “Oops. I forgot demon brat. Let's hope it doesn't end in another stab wound." He absently rubs his side and clicks his tongue. "Who could he be? Definitely not a Bennet, with that attitude. Maybe a Bingley?"  His eyes widen. "Ohh, the snobby sister, that’s the one!” He snaps his fingers. “Demon brat is uppity upper-class Miss Bingley.” His chuckle is positively devious as he continues, “How’s that for blood family?”</p>
<p>He then sighs lowly and resettles in his cushy red chair. “But I digress. Let’s get back to the story. It's not everyday I get to enforce my opinion about the wonder that is Pride and Prejudice on tons of unsuspecting people. Not that I'm saying I have tons of viewers. But why wouldn't I? This is great stuff."  He pats himself on the shoulder. "Anyway"</p>
<p>“The Bennets lived in a quaint country home, blah blah blah, much sisterly affection.”  He purses his lips and frowns thoughtfully. “You know, if that was a house full of boys, it’d be a totally different age-rating. More ball-scratching, less candle-lit conversations under a blanket.” He rolls his eyes. “I can’t imagine what Dickie’d have to say if I wanted to crawl under a quilt with him and have a heart to heart about potential love interests. Knowing him though, he’d probably be all for it and end up inviting the little brats along and turn it into a giant dysfunctional slumber party.”</p>
<p>He waggles his red tipped index finger playfully at the camera. “That’s right, no toxic masculinity in this house. Spa-days are the shit.”</p>
<p>“Now, where was I? Right”, he nods, sliding down in his chair, “The Bingleys. They bought the massive Netherfield Estate and instantly became the talk of the town- the handsome genteel Mr. Bingley, his stately sister Ms. Bingley, and their guest, the broody and taciturn Mr. Darcy.” He bites his lip. “If only he were real. I’d probably punch him and kiss him all in one breath.” He sighs and looks up. “To anybody listening- I’m single and very very available to any tall, Darcy and handsome man” he pauses, winks at the camera, “you see what I did there? With the Darcy? Peak humour, I tell you. Not only am I devastatingly pretty, I am also the funniest of my siblings. What a catch. Someone marry me and take me to their massive estate library.” He rapidly flutters his eyelashes and snorts.</p>
<p>“My favourite part about Mr. Darcy, is the amount of respect-women juice he drinks.” He sits up straighter as he continues. “Like, this rich man in his 30s who barely knows how to talk to his crush, somehow manages to get her to hate him for 80% of the book, gets his dramatic proposal-in-the-rain rejected, but still ends up marrying her? Elizabeth Bennet, an absolute 10/10 despite what her mother may think, with all her stubbornness and refusal to bow down in the face of abject disrespect. Damn!” He smacks his hand hard onto the table with a loud ‘thwack’ and instantly shakes it, face scrunched in pain. "Do not recommend smacking hardwood tables. Ouch."  He shakes his hand again before turning to the screen.</p>
<p>“Men of the internet, lend me your ears. The secret behind Mr. Darcy’s success is very simple.” He pauses dramatically, intones, “He listens”, and makes jazz hands at the screen. “That’s all there is to it. He listens, without interrupting. He helps her without being patronizing and most importantly- he loves and respects her exactly the way she is. Appreciate your women, gents.” He laughs softly and shakes his head. “That way, even if you do somehow end up proposing to the love of your life with <em>this</em> iconic dialogue ‘I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstance’, she might still give you a shot. After laughing at you in the pouring rain, of course.” He laughs again.</p>
<p>“Now”, he says, rubbing his palms together, “Let’s talk about the epic friendship between Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy. I mean”, he shrugs with open palms, “Are you even real friends if you don’t spend hours beside a pond outside your crush’s house, role-playing your proposal?"  He shakes his head. "Mr. Bingley, who was so in love with Jane, left for London because his best friend was convinced she wasn’t good enough for him. Said best friend risked getting rebuffed by his own lady love to protect his bro’s soft heart. Talk about true bromance. So different in countenance, but almost identical, where it matters.” He bats his eyelashes and clutches his palm in front of his chest, tilting his head backward. “Ahh, if only I had a friend like that." He narrows his eyes. "Roy, if you’re listening, take notes. Or I’ll tell Lian every dumb thing you’ve ever done.”</p>
<p>He clears his throat. "Coming to the third important thing this book focuses on- marriage. " His eyes flick to a point over the monitor. “Marriage is-” He cuts himself off and raises an eyebrow at the person behind the screen. Waits. Tilts his head slowly to the side, then pauses. Furrows his brow and pulls his lips into a frown. He shakes his head furiously and gestures at the recording in front of him, stops, and then stares upwards to out the most aggravated sigh.</p>
<p>“Well, it looks like I’ll be cutting today’s video short.” He rolls his eyes. “Duty calls. And by duty, I mean dinner. Dinner is calling and I don’t trust the little monsters” he gestures vaguely over the monitor “I share the table with to save anything for me if I don’t make it there right now.” He stands up, pats himself down and puts a hand in his pocket. “Adios, little nerds.” He smiles sweetly. “Stay reading. And, uh,” he looks around briefly, “Don’t get married until I get to rant about it in the next upload!”</p>
<p>He flashes finger guns at the monitor, winks and the screen blinks out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How To: Marriage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felt okay, might delete later. I'm really not as funny as I thought I was.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The video opens to Jason’s face split in a wide grin. He’s directly in front of a bookshelf this time, still in the same cushy red armchair. For some reason however, all the books have been placed backwards- with their spines facing the shelf, and the pages outwards.</p><p>“Hello”, Jason says, with his arms spread wide. “And welcome back to Jay-at-home-dad. I’m Jason. You’re probably wondering why the shelf behind me is the way it is. Was it the work of my brothers, the unread heathens that they are?” He shudders. “No.”</p><p>“I did it myself.” He nods proudly, then scrunches his face in disgust. “Because this shelf is full of trashy novels I refuse to accept to owning. It’s all Cass. And Stephanie; she so enjoys spoiling things.” Cue awkward pause as he realises he’s just disparaged his favourite sister on camera. Mentally prepares to accept the terms of revenge. Sighs. “Now, to begin. I was supposed to say something before talking about marriage.” He scratches his head. “You’d think resurrection came with perks like better memory.” He grunts in displeasure. “What was it?! Ugh. Maybe it’ll come to me once I’ve started.” Sighs again.</p><p>“Let’s talk marriage. The thing straight mothers want for their straight kids. And basically what every Jane Austen novel features. Sense and Sensibility? Marriage. Emma? Also marriage. Do you even need marriage instruction manuals if you’ve got one of these on hand?” Forgets that no such manual exists.  </p><p>“The 5 things about marriage I’m going to tell you are- BABY!” He yells suddenly. “The baby.” He snaps his fingers. “For those in the comments asking for pictures of my baby- it’s me.” He points to himself. “<em>I’m</em> the baby I stay home to look after. Hashtag self-care, like the kids do it”, he says, shrugging unselfconsciously.  “I knew it’d come to me.” He shakes his head. “Now that <em>that’s</em> cleared up, let’s get back to it.”</p><p>“There are 5 things you need to know about marriage”, he begins, holding up five fingers. “That I, an incredibly hot and devastatingly single gay man, am about to tell you. Of course, you could also think of me as the prophet, relaying the interpretation of Lady Austen’s divine words.” He stops, purses his lips and whistles lowly. “Didn’t think this was a path my life would take. The head of a new religious order and part time marriage counsellor. Not bad, Jay, not bad at all.” Pats himself on the shoulder. “I even brought notes.” He waves a few slips of paper at the camera.</p><p>“Now number one”, he says, holding up his thumb, because it’s <em>not even an</em> <em>actual finger,</em> Dick, so it has to go first, “First impressions totally matter.” He nods sharply. “Friendly word of advice from your local ruggedly handsome king: six heads in a duffle bag doesn’t really work well with whole ‘respectable family-guy’ vibe. But jacking tires off of expensive cars in Crime Alley? Definitely the way to get adopted. I speak from experience. Go forth and forage, alley kids. I know one tired billionaire dad on the verge of empty nest syndrome and a penchant for blue-eyed, dark-haired little boys.” He sighs despondently and crosses his arms over his chest. “It’s official, dad. You have a problem, and I have too many siblings.”</p><p>“Number two”, he intones, this time with finger guns, “you <em>can</em> judge a man by the size of his…”, he pauses suggestively waggling his eyebrows, and his smirk turns lascivious. “…Library. You can judge a man by the size of his library.” He raises his eyebrows exaggeratedly above wide eyes and slaps his palms onto his cheeks. “Geez guys, what did <em>you</em> think I was going to say? Perverts.” He shakes his head. “There are innocent children watching this!” He pauses again and cocks his head. “Although, I really wonder why. Parents, make them stop. Read a book instead. A <em>real</em> book, made of <em>paper</em>. Not”, grimacing, “<em>e-books.</em>” Shudders and shakes his head.<em> “</em>Gross.”</p><p>“Next”, he shuffles his sheaf of notes and reads, “the third important thing- you don’t just marry a person, you apparently marry their entire bloody family.” He looks up, eyes narrowed in displeasure. “Well, that’s it!” He throws his papers onto the table and flings his hands into the air. “I’m never getting married. I’m going to live here forever, alone, probably with a bunch of dogs. Unless the little brat steals them. Ugh” He suddenly stiffens and groans in horror. “Oh no”, he whispers, clutching his hair and paling dramatically, “I’m turning into Bruce!” He puts his head down onto the table and sits in silence for a long moment.</p><p>He pats his notes silently and drags his head up. “We are <em>never</em> mentioning this again. We’re moving on. I’ve moved on from being dead, this shouldn’t be too hard.” He claps his hands once. “Okay. I’ve got this.” He rolls his shoulders and cracks his knuckles.</p><p>“The fourth pro marriage tip- a bit more pragmatic than the others.” He waggles his eyebrows “Pragmatic- a polysyllabic word. Took it off of big brother’s SAT manual.” His lips twitch. “You don’t have to pass high school to be smart. Look at me! I dropped out, and all I do is lounge around make videos about reading books. Of course, I also have a very rich very guilt-ridden father figure. Great stuff. Now where was I?”</p><p>“Oh right!”, he nods, “The fourth thing. Communication. Which is definitely something I do not do. Much easier talking with my fists. But apparently it’s important to relationships? Go figure.” He shrugs. “If you can’t read the micro-expressions on my face and satisfy my insane food cravings, you don’t deserve me. I’ll just elope with Alfie.”</p><p>“Finally,”, he waves his open palm, “Número cinco. The most important, and not just because I said it in Spanish. Or maybe I said it in Spanish <em>because</em> it’s the most important.” He shrugs. “Love.” He nods. “Oh yeah, I’m serious. It’s super important, but it’s also not the <em>only</em> important thing. You’ve gotta think about money, the future, is he secretly racist, does he share genes with Lex Luthor that are <em>not</em> cancelled out by whatever genes he shares with Superman no matter <em>what</em> you say, Tim! Does he own a library? Is he willing to <em>get you </em>a library? There are all really important, little nerds. You don’t want to end up the sad dog person living in a house full of cats because you didn’t think to ask about it beforehand.”</p><p>He leans back and nods extremely seriously. “Believe me, I’ve been there. My roommate has a baby. How can I sit and polish my gun in peace, when there’s a six-year-old around?! I mean, just look at it!”</p><p>He reaches down and pulls up… an M1911 pistol with scuff marks all over it; pauses, and raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t see that coming, did you? Now I’ve got to put this away before the alarms start blaring because <em>someone here doesn’t respect my constitutional rights!”</em> His voice gets progressively louder as he reaches then end of his sentence. And probably his tether. He glares over his shoulder and grumbles inaudibly before turning back around and returning the gun to its holster.  </p><p>“Be dangerous and sexy. Like me. Or the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice and Zombie. Which I unironically find absolutely amazing. As far as adaptations go, the only way you can make a great book better, is by adding zombies. And ladies with knife-holsters beneath their dresses. It’s slasher meets elegance, with the added benefit of making me feel represented.”</p><p>“I was just going to stop here, after a couple more minutes of how much I love this book. But I just remembered adaptations. ­<em>So many adaptations.</em> There are direct ones, influenced ones, plays, tv shows. I have spent many a weekend bingeing this brilliance, so listen up. The 1995 movie? You’ve got to watch it. The 2005 adaptation? Is there anyone who can honestly say Kiera Knightley wasn’t put on this planet to play beautiful historical women being absolutely badass? Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? It’s got zombies in it. Watch them all. There’s a version for everyone. Gender-bent? Hallmark Christmas movie? Sure!” He stops and shakes his suddenly, grimacing. “I know how lame sad that sounds but I refuse to be ashamed of my interests. At least I’m not secretly building a menagerie in my bedroom.”</p><p> “Whatever. Watch it, don’t watch it. I can’t actually make you do anything. Giving a horse water or some shit.” He looks around furtively. “Not shit. I don’t have a dollar to spare. No swears here.”</p><p>“In conclusion, Pride and Prejudice is fantastic, everyone should read it, and if you’re getting married…make like Elizabeth Bennet and don’t settle.” He ruffles his hair and grins. “That’s enough sappiness out of me. I’m going to go find some siblings to beat up and reclaim my badge of bad-assery. Until next time, nerds! Stay reading!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm also on <a href="https://dandelioff.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> now! Feel free to drop by</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>